No Words
by dreamgoddess'92
Summary: Spoilers for '100'. Hotch deals with the aftermath of Foyet's attack on Haley and Jack. The team is there to comfort Hotch as they say goodbye. "If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them."


Hey everyone.

Oh goodness, last night's episode was so sad. I can't believe Haley died! Well, I can but I can't at the same time. I knew immediately after the episode that I had to write this story with this song. I honestly wonder what will happen next, I mean Hotch had Jack now-24/7. And Morgan still is team leader. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. What a depressing episode!

Well, I do not own Criminal Minds (if I did Haley wouldn't have died!) nor "I Grieve" by Peter Gabriel

Please enjoy and review.

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_It was only one hour ago_

_It was all so different then_

_There's nothing yet has really sunk in_

_Looks like it always did_

There are no words to truly express the pain that can consume someone who has lost a loved one.

There are futile attempts, but they fall to the wayside as realization sinks in. All that can be said and done are the comforting whispers of close friends and family who plan to stick around for the fallout. Unfortunately even those strong words and gentle embraces seem cold and lifeless like the body that is lowered into the ground. Guilt especially seems to creep its way into the heart and suffocate it until the person grieving feels like dying.

Aaron Hotchner stood with his son by his side in the cemetery as the priest spoke of heaven and how Haley would be missed. That was a understatement. Her casket was gleaming with marksmanship's pride, though the only thing everyone was focused on was the fragile body of Haley Hotchner which would forever be encased in that prison of sorts.

Jack clung to his father's hand as hard as he could as his young brain tried to fit his mother's death into some preconceived schema. His daddy had tried to explain the fact that his mommy wasn't coming back. Jack still didn't quite understand it, but he knew if his daddy was crying that it was bad. His daddy never cried.

Hotch barely registered the new pressure applied to his left hand as he gazed numbly upon his ex wife's resting place. Hotch's brain had shut off and for that he was thankful. He didn't want to analyze the situation or silently profile his son for warning signs of grief. All he could do was blame himself: All he would do is blame himself. It seemed like the only right thing to do as Jack's sniffle penetrated Hotch's blank thoughts. His son had lost his mother and Hotch had lost his first love. His wife of so many years was gone in the permanent sense and for the first time Hotch felt the true agony of loss and grief overpower him.

The team was there, silently lending him their support as they stood firmly behind him. Hotch could her the women's sniffles and the men's soft whispers to pacify them.

_This flesh and bone_

_It's just the way that you would tied in_

_Now there's no one home_

The team had been a phenomenal force of support for the Hotchner men since Haley was killed. Jack had taken quite a liking to the women, especially Emily Prentiss which didn't surprise Hotch. She was great with children. JJ too was often seen with mini Hotch and Jack reveled in the attention. Dave and Morgan had been a Godsend as they helped him figure out living arrangements and also as they offered him an ear accompanied with a shoulder. Garcia was great at deterring any stares in the office over the past few days as Hotch and Jack would come in and Reid was great at entertaining Jack with his magic tricks.

They had seemed to work twice as hard as they had been when Foyet was alive to give Hotch and Jack everything they needed. Hotch would never be able to thank them enough as long as he lived.

Hotch felt the team move to his side as they began to lower Haley into the cold ground. Hotch looked over and saw Emily stand next to Jack who grabbed her hand as he began to cry a little more. Hotch saw the tears fall down Emily's face and Reid rub smooth circles on her back. Next to Reid was Morgan who had his arms around a shaking Garcia. To his right JJ and Dave stood, both with their own tears glistening in their eyes. Dave had a supportive hand on JJ's lower back and she leaned into him, borrowing his strength.

They didn't need to say anything as they watched the casket make its descent. There were no words.

_I grieve for you_

_You leave me_

'_So hard to move on_

_Still loving what's gone_

_They say life carries on_

_Carries on and on and on and on_

Hotch didn't try to hide his tears, what was the point? Being strong wouldn't help any and he knew his team wouldn't think less of him. They all had been on his side one hundred percent during Strauss's interview; Rossi, Reid and Emily were even a little disrespectful so Hotch was told. He didn't know what he could've possibly done to deserve such a wonderful team-such wonderful friends-but he was glad he had them.

Once the casket hit the ground with a soft thump, Hotch looked away and felt his tears burn his face as he replayed her last words to him. They would haunt him for the rest of his life as he tried his best to raise their son on his own.

No, not on his own.

Hotch looked over to Emily, who was trying her best to remain strong and professional; she was failing miserably. Jack was still clinging to her hand and Morgan had moved himself and Garcia to stand just behind them; putting a strong hand on the little boy's shoulder. Garcia was softly stroking Jack's hair and Reid continued to rub Emily's back. JJ grabbed Hotch's right arm as she cried silently and Dave put his hand on his shoulder, conveying the silent message Hotch so desperately needed to hear.

He wasn't in this alone. The team would help him and Jack through this difficult time no matter what. Hotch's tears came faster now as he felt the loss of Haley crush him and the support of his friends carry him. He didn't know what he'd do without them.

_The news that truly shocks is the empty, empty page_

_While the final rattle rocks it's empty, empty cage_

_And I can't handle this_

One by one people began to leave the gravesite and head back to their lives. The team didn't move though, wanting to pause for only a moment and make their own self-revelations. Then Morgan patted Hotch's shoulder as Garcia rested her hand over his left one, that was attached to his son's, and they turned around and left. Rossi and JJ followed suit, all of them going to Dave's house for the wake.

Hotch couldn't bring himself to enter his old house so he and Jack had been bunking with Rossi just until they figured out what to do.

Reid squeezed Emily's shoulder and followed Rossi and JJ to Dave's car. Emily stayed. Hotch honestly was a little relieved that it had been her and not one of the others. She made Jack feel a little better and she had been offering Hotch comfort since the New York case when Kate had died. It seemed like Emily didn't plan on going anywhere any time soon.

Emily could see that Hotch wanted some time alone with Haley, so she gently pried Jack's hand away from Hotch's. Hotch turned, a little startled, but saw Emily pick the little boy up and Jack wrapped his arms around her neck and buried his face into her shoulder. Emily looked at Hotch and nodded, telling him silently to say his goodbyes and that she'd take care of Jack. They'd wait for him.

_I grieve for you_

_You leave me_

'_So hard to move on_

_Still loving what's gone_

_They say life carries on_

_Carries on and on and on and on_

Hotch wanted to say thank you. He wanted to tell Emily he didn't know what he'd do without her right now. She knew that already though, and Hotch could see that clearly in her blurry eyes. Hotch turned back to Haley's grave and Emily walked off with Jack safely in her arms. He'd tell her soon enough.

The words Hotch had wanted to say before didn't want to come out. How do you voice your grief? How does one salvage a grieving heart? There are no bandages, no pills to take away the pain. There are only choked sobs and hot tears which sting the eyes til they cannot see. Hotch felt the world collapse upon his shoulders and he suddenly sunk to his knees and cried. The tears would not stop and his sobs would not be quieted. He was glad Emily took Jack so his son would not see him so weak. He had to be strong for his son. He would not let Jack down again.

"Haley…God I'm so sorry." Hotch whispered, wanting so much to be able to say it to her face. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. There were no words that he could possibly say to take his guilt away. Even though he killed Foyet, the pain-the guilt-was still eating him away. A life for a life. Hotch would never forgive himself. It was his burden to bear until it was his own undoing.

Hotch wiped away his tears and slowly stood up, gazing into the deep hole where Haley would sleep forever. The cool breeze played with the wayward strands of his hair and for a moment, for a moment, Hotch felt as if Haley was there: Standing next to him. He could smell her faint perfume and he could feel a sudden warmth wash over him. His tears didn't burn his eyes and his lungs didn't ache with each inhalation of breath.

As sudden as that peace came, it left with the gentle whisper of the wind, but the warmth didn't leave him. Hotch had the unexplainable inkling that Haley would always be watching over him and Jack, and that irrational yet welcomed thought made Hotch feel lighter than he had in months. There was still a deep ache in his heart and the guilt wasn't gone, but as Hotch walked away from Haley's grave to where Emily and Jack were waiting for him, Hotch felt like he would get thought this.

Emily watched as Hotch approached and she put Jack down so the young boy could run into his arms. As father and son embraced and Hotch met Emily's warm eyes they knew they'd get through this. Together.

_Did I dream this belief?_

_Or did I believe this dream?_

_Now I can find relief_

_I grieve_

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Glad I got that out of my system. I was tearing up as I wrote it!

I plan on posting two more stories today so keep an eye out for them. I just have to write something happier to balance this sad fic. I want to take a quick moment to say that I'm very thankful for all of you who constantly read and review my stories. I'm glad you enjoy my work and I hope you all have a wonderful & safe Thanksgiving.

Peace out.


End file.
